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| RAAAOOOOWWWRRRR |
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
Vermaelen Injured? What's the worst that'll happen? ZOMBIES!!!!
Obviously, with Vermaelen injured for about a month, we've got to stock up on rifle ammo and remember, that's not beef jerky
Friday, 12 August 2011
Gareth Bale 'Shops
And fuck you Barca, incase you're reading
Monday, 8 August 2011
CROATIAN MAN MISSING
After the devastating riots that shook Tottenham the last two nights, it has been revealed that a young, 25 year old Croatian man is missing...
His family and friends claim he's missing although several onlookers, describe it as "escaped". He was seen taking off towards West Ham, chanting "Luka Free, Luka Free"
His owner life partner manager is very upset at this and has urged calm and looting in the days that follow.
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| Click to enlarge |
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| click to enlarge |
Please if you see him, call 0061-10-10-10, that's oh-oh-six-one, won-nothing, won-nothing, won-nothing.
If you see him on the streets do not attempt to subdue him with cheese as he is addicted to the substance, and is lactose intolerant.
Can be identified from other rat-like creatures by his Chelsea FC under garments and obvious cunt-ness
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
The Rumour Mill, It Really Is A Looney Tune
In a series of, pictures, the Red Dead Sun shows you HOW newspapers such as the Daily Fail bring top level journalism to the play and they should be credited for the amazing work they do, rather than being ridiculed. Scoffed and laughed at, like they're nothing more than Looney Tunes:
As soon as the season ends, crack journalists begin to refine their game
These are the steps they take:
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| Click to enlarge |
Contact your finest reporter and make sure he knows what you want the story to be about, or rather, who
A) Rehash and old story
OR
B) Get a colleague to help him falsify an interview
Of course, payday comes in the end whether the story is true or false, as it hits PRINT
Of course, the best stories are the ones with a 50/50 percent chance of happening. i.e he either stays or goes.
Fan reaction is equally varied, he stays OR he goes
I'd like to thank my unnamed, unquotable source for giving me the insider information.
Happy 5th of July.
TA
Monday, 4 July 2011
Twilight, Is Going Green
Yes, in a surprising turn of events, we at the Red Dead Sun can bring you an EXCLUSIVE sneak peak into the end of the franchise. With the last book, Breaking Dawn, being split into two interviews, the first of which is scheduled for release later this year, we have interviews, sneak peaks and more...
Twists and turns...
Some major deviations from the original Twilight series can be expected in this film, we spoke to producer Karen Rosenfelt about this:
Karen: Yes, it will irk most Twilight fans, but they've had their fun with the first 3 films, we wanted to have a bit of fun.
Us: So, dish! What'll make Twihards go crazy?
Karen: Well, we've got Bella in another love triange, with two completely different people, for the first time in her life she's on the outside looking in.
Karen: We thought it was marvelous that she was still attracted t a vampire, she does after all have a type.
Us: So what happens to the vampire and the werewolf? It seems like you guys have completely disregarded the history.
Karen: No, we haven't because, they're still in over half the movie. It's like The Lord of the Rings just because somethings not happening directly to one person, it doesn't affect the grand scheme of things.
Us: Speaking oh The Lord of the Rings, could this movie be the turning point that Eclipse's the epic. Pardon the pun.
Karen: Not really, because The Lord of the Rings is really stupid, isn't it? Why didn't the Giant Eagle just fly Frodo to Mordor? Our story-line is much more safe and structured, especially the new film.
Karen: The casting was risky, because, it was vital that the interspecies fornication continued to play a vital part in our plot, as perverts and rebellious teenage girls are a large part of our audience. And they're one and the same thing in the end, aren't they?
Us: So you hired, Kermit the frog, whom you've brought out of retirement and the lesser known, but greatly talented Miss Piggy?
Karen: Yes, Miss Piggy was hard to find, we scoured farms everywhere and had even at one point considered other pigs like Babe and Porky Pig until of course, we found the dazzling beauty that is Miss Piggy. We wanted this to be a name maker like Superman did for Christopher Reeves
Kermit on the other hand, was always our first choice, but it wasn't us that got him out of retirement. He's already slated for blockbusters such as Fuzzy Pack, Bein' Green and Green With Envy coming out this year.
Us: Thank you Karen.
Casting controversies and relationships healed...
Ahead of the film, we got to speak to leading man, Kermit the frog
Us: Kermit, Mr. Frog, welcome to the Dead Red Sun, tell us, you're not as young as you used to be, how do you keep doing it?
Kermit: I'm a vampire I never age
Us: How was it working on this set? How did they get you to work here?
Kermit: I love working here, I even got my best friend and real vampire a job here, as a consultant, of course. It's been hard, because ever since I joined The Muppets and he joined Sesame Street we couldn't keep in touch, because of that dick of a bird.
Kermit: And after the "stuffed animal, sort of like bears, puppety" wars of 1990, we haven't really gotten along. Then he got that gig with Two and a Half Men and changed his name to Charlie Sheen then it all got messed up, you know the rest.
Twists and turns...
Some major deviations from the original Twilight series can be expected in this film, we spoke to producer Karen Rosenfelt about this:
Karen: Yes, it will irk most Twilight fans, but they've had their fun with the first 3 films, we wanted to have a bit of fun.
Us: So, dish! What'll make Twihards go crazy?
Karen: Well, we've got Bella in another love triange, with two completely different people, for the first time in her life she's on the outside looking in.
 |
| It looks like Bella's Heartstrings are being tugged |
Us: So what happens to the vampire and the werewolf? It seems like you guys have completely disregarded the history.
Karen: No, we haven't because, they're still in over half the movie. It's like The Lord of the Rings just because somethings not happening directly to one person, it doesn't affect the grand scheme of things.
Us: Speaking oh The Lord of the Rings, could this movie be the turning point that Eclipse's the epic. Pardon the pun.
Karen: Not really, because The Lord of the Rings is really stupid, isn't it? Why didn't the Giant Eagle just fly Frodo to Mordor? Our story-line is much more safe and structured, especially the new film.
 |
| The End of Interspecies Fornication? |
Us: So you hired, Kermit the frog, whom you've brought out of retirement and the lesser known, but greatly talented Miss Piggy?
Karen: Yes, Miss Piggy was hard to find, we scoured farms everywhere and had even at one point considered other pigs like Babe and Porky Pig until of course, we found the dazzling beauty that is Miss Piggy. We wanted this to be a name maker like Superman did for Christopher Reeves
Kermit on the other hand, was always our first choice, but it wasn't us that got him out of retirement. He's already slated for blockbusters such as Fuzzy Pack, Bein' Green and Green With Envy coming out this year.
 |
| Porky Pig, considered for the role of Miss Piggy |
Casting controversies and relationships healed...
Ahead of the film, we got to speak to leading man, Kermit the frog
Us: Kermit, Mr. Frog, welcome to the Dead Red Sun, tell us, you're not as young as you used to be, how do you keep doing it?
Kermit: I'm a vampire I never age
Us: How was it working on this set? How did they get you to work here?
Kermit: I love working here, I even got my best friend and real vampire a job here, as a consultant, of course. It's been hard, because ever since I joined The Muppets and he joined Sesame Street we couldn't keep in touch, because of that dick of a bird.
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| Re-United at last |
Us: What! Sheen is VON COUNT?!!
Kermit: Kinda makes sense, huh? Anyways, here is proof that provides without a shadow of a doubt I'm right:
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| Revelation of a lifetime? Most kept secret since Victoria's? |
Us: Thank you for sharing that Kermit. That's certainly weird and totally irrelevant news. Just the kind we like, here at Red Dead Sun.
Kermit: You're welcome. So what where we on about?
Us: How did you find the re-write from the original book?
Kermit: Very well, except that there weren't very big roles for the two strapping lad that starred in the other 3 movies, so I forced a re-write to give them more time on screen. I think fans and general viewers will find their ending very....satisfactory:
Us: Kermit, thank you, you've been wonderful
Kermit: You're welcome
Thank you folks, that's all we've got time for, The Red Dead Sun always looking to bring you breaking news, as quick as our wi-fi lets us
Click here for a preview for the REAL Breaking Dawn movie
Kermit: You're welcome. So what where we on about?
Us: How did you find the re-write from the original book?
Kermit: Very well, except that there weren't very big roles for the two strapping lad that starred in the other 3 movies, so I forced a re-write to give them more time on screen. I think fans and general viewers will find their ending very....satisfactory:
Us: Kermit, thank you, you've been wonderful
Kermit: You're welcome
Thank you folks, that's all we've got time for, The Red Dead Sun always looking to bring you breaking news, as quick as our wi-fi lets us
Click here for a preview for the REAL Breaking Dawn movie
VIDEO: Clichy, Robin, Bliss
Clichy's greatest moment in an Arsenal shirt. Produced Robin's. Two feats of the purest magic anyone has ever seen
EXCLUSIVE: Interview With David Haye
I sit in an empty room, reserved specially for Mr. David "the Hayemaker" Haye. One day after the unification fight that was as heavily anticipated as it failed to deliver.
The lights go dim and I motion to the site manager, David's about to arrive, it's no time for electrical faults. But, soon, the lights begin to flash radically. Music comes on. I immediately make it out to be Mr. Haye's theme song.
Mr. Haye struts in and sits opposite me.
Me: Well Mr. Haye, er, David? I'm pleased to meet you, you're a wonderful athlete obviously, how are you.
Haye: Please, call me the Hayemaker, or Mr. Haye Or your highness, or King Leopold the 98th.
Me: Yes, Mr. Your Hayemakersness, lets, get straight into it, shall we? Who're you're heroes? Mohammed Ali? Winston Churchill?
Haye: You know, the greats, Mr. Emmanuel Eboue, Mr. Cristiano Ronaldo. I tried to honor them yesterday, that's what was up with all the diving.
Me: Ah. You look a little twitch, you okay?
I'm fine, still a bit sore. (He grins wickedly)
Me: Yes, you must be sore, that was quite a beating you took.
Haye: I'm not talking about that, the brute had nothing on me. I'm strong, was talking about me toe.
Me: Yes, your toe, do you mind filling us in, how did it happen?
Haye: We was in the prep room before the fight, me and a couple homeboys and we were havin' a laugh and then, one thing led to another, lube everywhere, you know how it goes...(winks)...so in the rumble, I can't remember who was on top, I stubbed my, er..."toe"
Me: Ah! was that the reason for your delay then? No mind games?
Haye: No, no mind games, I even brought you a picture from a scan I had this morning:
Haye: Yeah, there I am, there's my toe.
Me: Er, Your Haye-ward-ness that isn't you
Haye: Is, I drew it myself
Me: That isn't how a scan works
Haye: Is too
Me: Isn't
(15 minutes later)
Me: Isn't
Haye: Is TOO! (Bursts in a fit of tears) You see what you did you broke my toe again. (runs away)
Me: David! DAVID!! I'm sorry....
That's it folks, an exclusive interview with Mr. David Haye, brought to you by The Dead Red Sun. Not like that impersonator that SSN employed
#teamklitschko
The lights go dim and I motion to the site manager, David's about to arrive, it's no time for electrical faults. But, soon, the lights begin to flash radically. Music comes on. I immediately make it out to be Mr. Haye's theme song.
Mr. Haye struts in and sits opposite me.
Me: Well Mr. Haye, er, David? I'm pleased to meet you, you're a wonderful athlete obviously, how are you.
Haye: Please, call me the Hayemaker, or Mr. Haye Or your highness, or King Leopold the 98th.
Me: Yes, Mr. Your Hayemakersness, lets, get straight into it, shall we? Who're you're heroes? Mohammed Ali? Winston Churchill?
Haye: You know, the greats, Mr. Emmanuel Eboue, Mr. Cristiano Ronaldo. I tried to honor them yesterday, that's what was up with all the diving.
Me: Ah. You look a little twitch, you okay?
I'm fine, still a bit sore. (He grins wickedly)
Me: Yes, you must be sore, that was quite a beating you took.
Haye: I'm not talking about that, the brute had nothing on me. I'm strong, was talking about me toe.
Me: Yes, your toe, do you mind filling us in, how did it happen?
Haye: We was in the prep room before the fight, me and a couple homeboys and we were havin' a laugh and then, one thing led to another, lube everywhere, you know how it goes...(winks)...so in the rumble, I can't remember who was on top, I stubbed my, er..."toe"
Me: Ah! was that the reason for your delay then? No mind games?
Haye: No, no mind games, I even brought you a picture from a scan I had this morning:
 |
| Click to enlarge |
Haye: Yeah, there I am, there's my toe.
Me: Er, Your Haye-ward-ness that isn't you
Haye: Is, I drew it myself
Me: That isn't how a scan works
Haye: Is too
Me: Isn't
(15 minutes later)
Me: Isn't
Haye: Is TOO! (Bursts in a fit of tears) You see what you did you broke my toe again. (runs away)
Me: David! DAVID!! I'm sorry....
That's it folks, an exclusive interview with Mr. David Haye, brought to you by The Dead Red Sun. Not like that impersonator that SSN employed
#teamklitschko
Sore Toe
Bye Bye Gael, Let's Blame Eboue
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| Click to enlarge |
Well, looks like Clichy's off
We've tried blaming everyone, from the money to the decline in Clichy's performances. But let's be honest, it's always been Eboue
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Mr. Montgomery Burns Wenger, or, A Force To Be Reckoned With
Seriously. Er, first, hello :)
But seriously, how the hell am I the only one that sees this:
Mr. Wenger IS Mr.Burns.
I know I've pissed you all off with that, I DO NOT care, actually, I do, I'm sorry...
Real football news, Vermaelen returns to the fantabulous Arena of the kick ball tournament. Kick the ball, kick the Fletcher, speaking of Fletchers, the media fallout from Jose's "honesty" is weirdly funny. It seems to me we all need a laugh, because we all know how hard we have it after we lose to United.
Every Arsenal fan has that idiot Man United fan friend or family member that annoys the f*ck out of them, which is annoying.
Yes, I'm super pessimistic, the Arsenal players don't look like they give a shit about the rest of the season, why should I? I was resigned to finishing 2nd and now, I'm resigned to 3rd. I just hope, I won't be left hoping we finish 4th. Or 5th.
I really don't want West Ham to be relegated, I really, really don't! But then, there's Scott Parker. Who's clearly not Denilson, and that, boys, girls, trannies and such,that is a major improvement.
Community is funny, innit :)
Now, I have to go do some actual, real work, this plan is a bitch. Lot's of rooms :( Who needs houses anyways?
Live long and prosper, see ya!!
But seriously, how the hell am I the only one that sees this:
Mr. Wenger IS Mr.Burns.
I know I've pissed you all off with that, I DO NOT care, actually, I do, I'm sorry...
Real football news, Vermaelen returns to the fantabulous Arena of the kick ball tournament. Kick the ball, kick the Fletcher, speaking of Fletchers, the media fallout from Jose's "honesty" is weirdly funny. It seems to me we all need a laugh, because we all know how hard we have it after we lose to United.
Every Arsenal fan has that idiot Man United fan friend or family member that annoys the f*ck out of them, which is annoying.
Yes, I'm super pessimistic, the Arsenal players don't look like they give a shit about the rest of the season, why should I? I was resigned to finishing 2nd and now, I'm resigned to 3rd. I just hope, I won't be left hoping we finish 4th. Or 5th.
I really don't want West Ham to be relegated, I really, really don't! But then, there's Scott Parker. Who's clearly not Denilson, and that, boys, girls, trannies and such,that is a major improvement.
Community is funny, innit :)
Now, I have to go do some actual, real work, this plan is a bitch. Lot's of rooms :( Who needs houses anyways?
Live long and prosper, see ya!!
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
First Post, Wenger In, Wenger Out, Missionaries et al
Fans of football would know this is not a sexual innuendo, but the two diverse camps the Arsenal faithful are divided into.
It's hard not to sympathize with followers of both camps,. Anyone with access to a video game console and FIFA11 or Football Manager 2011 (not going to mention PES because it's stupid) anyone that's ever virtually managed a team knows how easy it is to win a trophy, just buy Eden Hazard and Buffon. But is it? Really?
It's clear that Wenger is under some, if not lots, of pressure. Clearly, he seems to be slowly transforming, physically, into Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. I say physically, because, he's always been a bit like Mr. Burns hasn't he, not spending money, promoting from within, has a number 2 that is clearly in love with him and keeps trusting idiots (Homer and Denilson). But the clearest resemblance, is the failure to spend ,money, spend it big.
That's where the ugly head of the Wenger out parade gets it's nutrition from, WENGER Y U NO SPEND MONEY? It asks, shaking it's ghastly face, but as we've seen from countless movies, that bad guy isn't always the ugly one, movies like Mission Impossible where that ugly mug Tom Cruise saves us all. Do we trust the timid group that unquestioningly puts it's faith behind Wenger? Knowing no matter what insults be laid upon them they cal sally forth with a cry of "INVINCIBLES" and expect Wenger to do it again?
Wenger, with his rose tinted glasses and absurd faith in Denilson, Wenger with his 6 year trophy drought, stubborn Mr.Wenger?
It seems the Arsenal board WILL put it's faith in the Frenchman, but it's clear, some supporters have had enough and want to see the back of Wenger, but who will replace the man?
Pep Guardiola, with his weird transfer policy, Arsenal clearly don't have money to spend 45million Euroes on David Silva.
Jose Mourinho, who hates Arsenal?
Take a gamble, give it to Pat Rice? An old player?
Get a mid table manager, Owen Coyle? If he implodes spectacularly in a Hodgson-esque manner?
Or try our luck with Sir Alex...
The dissection of Arsenal's season has begun, doom mongers, conspiracy theorists, Wenger fans and even some nuetrals who will Arsenal's pretty tippy-tappy football see some reward. Harsh words will be exchanged, rumours will fly about.
But in the end, we'll all be united, under one common principle, Wenger or no Wenger, we'll all still be praying that Denilson doesn't get near an Arsenal shirt next season...
It's hard not to sympathize with followers of both camps,. Anyone with access to a video game console and FIFA11 or Football Manager 2011 (not going to mention PES because it's stupid) anyone that's ever virtually managed a team knows how easy it is to win a trophy, just buy Eden Hazard and Buffon. But is it? Really?
It's clear that Wenger is under some, if not lots, of pressure. Clearly, he seems to be slowly transforming, physically, into Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. I say physically, because, he's always been a bit like Mr. Burns hasn't he, not spending money, promoting from within, has a number 2 that is clearly in love with him and keeps trusting idiots (Homer and Denilson). But the clearest resemblance, is the failure to spend ,money, spend it big.
That's where the ugly head of the Wenger out parade gets it's nutrition from, WENGER Y U NO SPEND MONEY? It asks, shaking it's ghastly face, but as we've seen from countless movies, that bad guy isn't always the ugly one, movies like Mission Impossible where that ugly mug Tom Cruise saves us all. Do we trust the timid group that unquestioningly puts it's faith behind Wenger? Knowing no matter what insults be laid upon them they cal sally forth with a cry of "INVINCIBLES" and expect Wenger to do it again?
Wenger, with his rose tinted glasses and absurd faith in Denilson, Wenger with his 6 year trophy drought, stubborn Mr.Wenger?
It seems the Arsenal board WILL put it's faith in the Frenchman, but it's clear, some supporters have had enough and want to see the back of Wenger, but who will replace the man?
Pep Guardiola, with his weird transfer policy, Arsenal clearly don't have money to spend 45million Euroes on David Silva.
Jose Mourinho, who hates Arsenal?
Take a gamble, give it to Pat Rice? An old player?
Get a mid table manager, Owen Coyle? If he implodes spectacularly in a Hodgson-esque manner?
Or try our luck with Sir Alex...
The dissection of Arsenal's season has begun, doom mongers, conspiracy theorists, Wenger fans and even some nuetrals who will Arsenal's pretty tippy-tappy football see some reward. Harsh words will be exchanged, rumours will fly about.
But in the end, we'll all be united, under one common principle, Wenger or no Wenger, we'll all still be praying that Denilson doesn't get near an Arsenal shirt next season...
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