The Rumour Mill, It Really Is A Looney Tune

In a series of, pictures, the Red Dead Sun shows you HOW newspapers such as the Daily Fail bring top level journalism to the play and they should be credited for the amazing work they do, rather than being ridiculed. Scoffed and laughed at, like they're nothing more than Looney Tunes:

As soon as the season ends, crack journalists begin to refine their game

These are the steps they take:

Click to enlarge

Phone calls all round, June-August is a very good season for mobile carriers such as O2 and Vodaphone.

Contact your finest reporter and make sure he knows what you want the story to be about, or rather, who

Once your reporter fails do do his job, he can either:

A) Rehash and old story

OR

B) Get a colleague to help him falsify an interview

Of course, payday comes in the end whether the story is true or false, as it hits PRINT

Of course, the best stories are the ones with a 50/50 percent chance of happening. i.e he either stays or goes.

Fan reaction is equally varied, he stays OR he goes

I'd like to thank my unnamed, unquotable source for giving me the insider information.

Happy 5th of July.

TA

Twilight, Is Going Green

Yes, in a surprising turn of events, we at the Red Dead Sun can bring you an EXCLUSIVE sneak peak into the end of the franchise. With the last book, Breaking Dawn, being split into two interviews, the first of which is scheduled for release later this year, we have interviews, sneak peaks and more...

Twists and turns...

Some major deviations from the original Twilight series can be expected in this film, we spoke to producer Karen Rosenfelt about this:


Karen: Yes, it will irk most Twilight fans, but they've had their fun with the first 3 films, we wanted to have a bit of fun.


Us: So, dish! What'll make Twihards go crazy?


Karen: Well, we've got Bella in another love triange, with two completely different people, for the first time in her life she's on the outside looking in.

It looks like Bella's Heartstrings are being tugged

Karen: We thought it was marvelous that she was still attracted t a vampire, she does after all have a type.


Us: So what happens to the vampire and the werewolf? It seems like you guys have completely disregarded the history.


Karen: No, we haven't because, they're still in over half the movie. It's like The Lord of the Rings just because somethings not happening directly to one person, it doesn't affect the grand scheme of things.


Us: Speaking oh The Lord of the Rings, could this movie be the turning point that Eclipse's the epic. Pardon the pun.


Karen: Not really, because The Lord of the Rings is really stupid, isn't it? Why didn't the Giant Eagle just fly Frodo to Mordor? Our story-line is much more safe and structured, especially the new film.

The End of Interspecies Fornication?

Karen: The casting was risky, because, it was vital that the interspecies fornication continued to play a vital part in our plot, as perverts and rebellious teenage girls are a large part of our audience. And they're one and the same thing in the end, aren't they?


Us: So you hired, Kermit the frog, whom you've brought out of retirement and the lesser known, but greatly talented Miss Piggy?


Karen: Yes, Miss Piggy was hard to find, we scoured farms everywhere and had even at one point considered other pigs like Babe and Porky Pig until of course, we found the dazzling beauty that is Miss Piggy. We wanted this to be a name maker like Superman did for Christopher Reeves
Kermit on the other hand, was always our first choice, but it wasn't us that got him out of retirement. He's already slated for blockbusters such as Fuzzy Pack, Bein' Green and Green With Envy coming out this year.

Porky Pig, considered for the role of Miss Piggy

Us: Thank you Karen.


Casting controversies and relationships healed...


Ahead of the film, we got to speak to leading man, Kermit the frog


Us: Kermit, Mr. Frog, welcome to the Dead Red Sun, tell us, you're not as young as you used to be, how do you keep doing it?


Kermit: I'm a vampire I never age


Us: How was it working on this set? How did they get you to work here?


Kermit: I love working here, I even got my best friend and real vampire a job here, as a consultant, of course. It's been hard, because ever since I joined The Muppets and he joined Sesame Street we couldn't keep in touch, because of that dick of a bird.

Re-United at last

Kermit: And after the "stuffed animal, sort of like bears, puppety" wars of 1990, we haven't really gotten along. Then he got that gig with Two and a Half Men and changed his name to Charlie Sheen then it all got messed up, you know the rest.

Us: What! Sheen is VON COUNT?!!

Kermit: Kinda makes sense, huh? Anyways, here is proof that provides without a shadow of a doubt I'm right:

Revelation of a lifetime? Most kept secret since Victoria's?

Us: Thank you for sharing that Kermit. That's certainly weird and totally irrelevant news. Just the kind we like, here at Red Dead Sun.


Kermit: You're welcome. So what where we on about?


Us: How did you find the re-write from the original book?


Kermit: Very well, except that there weren't very big roles for the two strapping lad that starred in the other 3 movies, so I forced a re-write to give them more time on screen. I think fans and general viewers will find their ending very....satisfactory:

Us: Kermit, thank you, you've been wonderful


Kermit: You're welcome








Thank you folks, that's all we've got time for, The Red Dead Sun always looking to bring you breaking news, as quick as our wi-fi lets us


Click here for a preview for the REAL Breaking Dawn movie

VIDEO: Clichy, Robin, Bliss

Clichy's greatest moment in an Arsenal shirt. Produced Robin's. Two feats of the purest magic anyone has ever seen

EXCLUSIVE: Interview With David Haye

I sit in an empty room, reserved specially for Mr. David "the Hayemaker" Haye. One day after the unification fight that was as heavily anticipated as it failed to deliver.

The lights go dim and I motion to the site manager, David's about to arrive, it's no time for electrical faults. But, soon, the lights begin to flash radically. Music comes on. I immediately make it out to be Mr. Haye's theme song.

Mr. Haye struts in and sits opposite me.

Me: Well Mr. Haye, er, David? I'm pleased to meet you, you're a wonderful athlete obviously, how are you.

Haye: Please, call me the Hayemaker, or Mr. Haye Or your highness, or King Leopold the 98th.

Me: Yes, Mr. Your Hayemakersness, lets, get straight into it, shall we? Who're you're heroes? Mohammed Ali? Winston Churchill?

Haye: You know, the greats, Mr. Emmanuel Eboue, Mr. Cristiano Ronaldo. I tried to honor them yesterday, that's what was up with all the diving.

Me: Ah. You look a little twitch, you okay?

I'm fine, still a bit sore. (He grins wickedly)

Me: Yes, you must be sore, that was quite a beating you took.

Haye: I'm not talking about that, the brute had nothing on me. I'm strong, was talking about me toe.

Me: Yes, your toe, do you mind filling us in, how did it happen?

Haye: We was in the prep room before the fight, me and a couple homeboys and we were havin' a laugh and then, one thing led to another, lube everywhere, you know how it goes...(winks)...so in the rumble, I can't remember who was on top, I stubbed my, er..."toe"

Me: Ah! was that the reason for your delay then? No mind games?

Haye: No, no mind games, I even brought you a picture from a scan I had this morning:

Click to enlarge

Haye: Yeah, there I am, there's my toe.

Me: Er, Your Haye-ward-ness that isn't you

Haye: Is, I drew it myself

Me: That isn't how a scan works

Haye: Is too

Me: Isn't

(15 minutes later)

Me: Isn't

Haye: Is TOO! (Bursts in a fit of tears) You see what you did you broke my toe again. (runs away)

Me: David! DAVID!! I'm sorry....


That's it folks, an exclusive interview with Mr. David Haye, brought to you by The Dead Red Sun. Not like that impersonator that SSN employed

#teamklitschko

Sore Toe

Obviously, Haye got his ass handed to him, because of Sore Toe Syndrome a.k.a being useless a.k.a John O' Shea

Bye Bye Gael, Let's Blame Eboue

Click to enlarge

Well, looks like Clichy's off

We've tried blaming everyone, from the money to the decline in Clichy's performances. But let's be honest, it's always been Eboue